It's been such a long time since I've written anything. That phrase ought never to be used in the first line of a composition -- as a matter both of ethics and of style. But if I'm to begin again at all, I have to begin with the first thought that strikes me, and given what I am beginning, the first thought that strikes me is that. I am clearing my throat before I speak or testing out my voice. It was much the same thing to say to myself again and again "Hello" when I was young -- just to assure myself that I could speak. It is honesty, anyway, and it is a true record. But wouldn't it be odd to come across the memorial of a man, each of whose entries began, "It has been such a long time since I have remembered...?" This is meditation in the way that I know it -- repeatedly catching oneself. This awareness comes and goes in waves -- in waves, perhaps, it builds into something deeper. Or else it just subsides and reappears. But that is...