To Witness That Such Things As Monuments Are Possible (Saying "Hello")

It's been such a long time since I've written anything.  That phrase ought never to be used in the first line of a composition -- as a matter both of ethics and of style.  But if I'm to begin again at all, I have to begin with the first thought that strikes me, and given what I am beginning, the first thought that strikes me is that. I am clearing my throat before I speak or testing out my voice.  It was much the same thing to say to myself again and again "Hello" when I was young -- just to assure myself that I could speak.  It is honesty, anyway, and it is a true record.  But wouldn't it be odd to come across the memorial of a man, each of whose entries began, "It has been such a long time since I have remembered...?"  This is meditation in the way that I know it -- repeatedly catching oneself.  This awareness comes and goes in waves -- in waves, perhaps, it builds into something deeper.  Or else it just subsides and reappears.  But that is the true record -- after all, real consciousness subsides and reappears, before finally disappearing completely.  Think of a man sitting in a room repeating to himself over and over again that word "hello."  There is a futility and inanity to it, certainly, but in that there can momentarily be an intention behind it, it is not without significance.  Simply that the monument exists proves there was a spark, and though its merely existing may prove the monument was nothing monumental, still to witness that such things as monuments are possible can at least be said to go a way towards our aim.  What better witness than the monument itself?  "It's been such a long time since I've written anything."