I like business. The table is arranged, or I hear dishes being scrubbed. The camera moves in to the wall so the light can breathe. In the background also they inhale and exhale; towels scrape their skin. "Pan over all the traffic on the street; see the grass and hear the shuffle of shoes over cement." -- Right now it could be the rhythm of fingers and keys, the key-hole in the coffee-can, two pill bottles that just happen to be where they are, the stapler, above, I never use, a tube of cream in front of it, lying on its side, the air conditioner's remote control. Lists of objects and a catalog of their relationships has an appeal. The more details, the closer I get to what's real. So a TV screen is just a window, a wandering eye. It looks at us from a distance, but consistently, with due attention. It is close enough so that we can hear each other speak, but far enough away to keep us from speaking to anyone but ourselves. Everything can be represented, but what's represented should endure. Most of all, it should be itself, and it receives no help from instruments. A boy who is distressed scrapes himself with the sponge until his skin is raw. A boy who is ashamed and angry shoves the owner's keys back at him on the desk. Everything is recorded and presented without comment. I'm drawn in because I want to see, and that I see is all of the request. No one understands what has been faithfully recorded, but the anatomy of it is laid bare for all to inspect.
I've been doing a little better since I wrote "On Teaching." I still haven't been applying for jobs. It starts to feel like a lot of effort, and I get very little positive feedback. I don't have a fixed area in which I'm applying -- just feel like I'm submitting applications randomly to schools or whatever position anywhere in the country. I would rather go "on the ground" to a particular office or campus, submit my resume in person to whoever is in charge of the operation, interview the people there. I think I'll be volunteering or substituting -- just trying to get experience and make contacts. I want to make enough money, if I can, but after spending so many years treading water, I'm anxious to see if I can find a way to do something and not just get paid. -- Part of the reason I've "tread water" is my own lack of motivation, but I don't want to have one more year where I feel like I'm doing something meaningles...
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